Fear of Missing Out on the Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken’ by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both 
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;  

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,  

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black. 

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back. 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence 

Two roads diverged in a wood and I—

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Despite being written in 1916, this poem perfectly summarises the common modern phenomenon affectionately known as ‘Fear of Missing Out’, or FoMO.

A man faces a dilemma when coming across a fork in the road. He can’t choose which path, but he knows that whichever path he takes, he will look back with a sigh.

Oh, Robert Frost, how do you understand my life so well?

People of the world are faced with a multitude of decisions every single day. They may be small, such buying milk:

“Low Fat, no fat, full cream, high calcium, high protein, soy, light, skim, omega 3, high calcium with vitamin D and folate, or extra dollop?”

Er, I just want milk that tastes like real milk?

Or, perhaps they are big life decisions, such as what you want to do with your life.

The problem with making decisions is that we are often dissatisfied, and constantly wonder if that OTHER choice was perhaps better. This is the paradox of choice, which frequently results in anxiety, and a fear of missing out.

As a vegetarian, my usual options at restaurants are fairly limited. A good restaurant might have up to five dishes I could eat, and yet I still struggle to choose.

So you can probably imagine what happens when I visit vegetarian restaurants.

Holy sweet mother of Mary, WHAT IS THIS?!  How am I supposed to decide what to eat from the 30-plus options given to me?!

In his book, ‘The Paradox of Choice’, Barry Schwartz discusses this very problem, and finds that when given more options, we are more likely to feel regretful about our choices. We feel like we have missed an opportunity.

And unfortunately, the problem is only getting worse through the rise of social media. We are constantly exposed to the photos and activities of other people. Worst of all, these are never mundane activities. Who would take pictures of themselves brushing their teeth, doing the dishes, walking to the train station? (Actually? Some people.) 

Imagine this sort of status update:

‘Just got home from work. Going to make some dinner soon, probably watch some television (nothing in particular, I’ll just flick through the channels) and go to bed at about 10 or 10.30. Then I’ll get up tomorrow, get dressed, eat something (maybe Weetbix?) and go to work again, where I will read emails, answer calls, and finish some tasks. I might each lunch with people where I will talk about my weekend plans, or maybe I’ll eat lunch alone. WOOOOO!’

Our social media personalities are not our true selves. They are the best, most exciting versions of ourselves.

So when we are bombarded by these kinds of personalities, it’s hard not to feel like your life doesn’t make the cut. Your life will inevitably feel mundane when you’re constantly exposed to the best bits of everyone else’s.

So in a world where our choices are only increasing, from the clothing we wear, to the variety of food available to us, and of course our careers, how can we be satisfied?

Maybe we can’t be. Maybe we are all destined for a life of “what if?”.

What if I had studied creative writing? Or medicine? Or architecture?

What if I had gone on that trip?

What if I had stopped the car to help that poor little hedgehog-looking-creature in the middle of the road?

What if I had done honours?

These are all real thoughts that plague my mind when I give them a chance. And the worst part is that we are told on our death beds we will not regret the things we did, but rather the things we didn't do.

Gee, thanks. That makes me feel better.

Perhaps the best solution is to recognise that, no, we can’t actually do anything we want. But that’s okay, and all we can do is appreciate the life we do have. Because each of our lives are amazing and unique.

“There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.” - Kazuo Ishiguro

the reckless philosopher

Morality, a hijacking.

In the past few weeks, I stumbled upon these two quotes about religion:

“The greatest tragedy in mankind's entire history may be the hijacking of morality by religion” – Arthur C Clarke

“I see all different religious traditions as paths for the development of inner peace” – the 14^th Dalai Lama.

As a fan of both Clarke and the Dalai Lama, it was troubling to come across the two seemingly irreconcilable positions. One claims that religion is bad for morality and peace, and the other that religion is a path for inner peace development.

I am a huge fan of the Dalai Lama, I believe his teachings about peace, selflessness and compassion towards all sentient beings deserve more attention in our modern society.

But is religion really the best way to develop these morals?

This is not the first time someone has claimed that religion is useful for a peaceful mindset in the individual and society. Many people often tell me they believe that:

“Even if god isn’t real, the notion provides so many people around the world with hope, and it also guides them to do good in the world”.

This belief is probably as widely held as religion itself. But, as we should all realise, a widely held belief does not, ipso facto, make the belief correct.

It’s true, some studies do suggest that religious people often feel more satisfied and happy, but other studies suggest the opposite.

Australia is a (mostly) secular country. We are also increasingly atheist, with 22.3% of our population claiming no religion on the most recent census, a jump from 15% in 2001.

Recent census data suggests that young people (15-34) represent the largest percentage of religion-less individuals. This is not surprising. Young people are more likely to challenge the status quo and be open to new ideas.

That is precisely what I, as a young person, am doing here. Challenging the long-held belief that religion encourages moral behaviour.

It is not difficult to point out the atrocities that religion has caused in the past.

The Crusades, the Lebanese Civil War, the Dungan revolt in China have shown us the immense power that religions can cause throughout history. In fact, Europe alone seems to have been a non-stop Christian-on-Christian battle. If even the Christians couldn’t get along amongst themselves, what hope is there for contacts between other religions?

Sadly, despite being riddled through it, these kinds of events are not yet ‘history’. Hindus and Muslims who slaughter one another in India, Isrealis and Palestinians continue to murder each other endlessly, Sunni and Shia Muslims around the globe kill each other every day.

One crucial element of any religion (or virus, for that matter) is to be spread and propagated. Any religion that does not encourage the ‘word to be spread’ will ultimately die out. This provides the perfect motivation for people to invade new lands and force others to follow them.

Of course, religion is not the only cause for wars. People have waged wars over land, resources, sheer lust for power, or revenge.

But when it comes to war, psychology is extremely important. As world leaders will know, motivating an entire nation to go to war is no easy feat. Giving men a reason to fight, and potentially die, for something is much easier if you can tell them they have a higher purpose. Or, to put it more eloquently:

“Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.” – Blaise Pascal

And it’s not just wars. Everyday atrocities like the abhorrent treatment of women and homosexuals, are often ‘justified’ by religion. Need I even mention the disgusting claims made by the Westboro Baptist Church?

Before I get too cynical, I should point out that yes, there are extremists. And many of these wars and problems do not go hand-in-hand with their respective religions. In the words of Gandhi:

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

Perhaps religion itself is not to blame, but rather it is the interpretations and extrapolations of religion. People can talk the talk but not walk the walk.

So if religion is not evil, then has religion merely provided a catalyst for evil? Is the true evil just born from ignorance and mankind’s deep, inherent malice?

Maybe. But even so, if it’s not possible for us to live together in peace with religion, wouldn’t we all be better without it?

“It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.” – Helen Keller

the reckless philosopher